First Religious Lesson - Religion is Open to Interpretation

Since my daughter is now attending public school, and no longer at a Catholic school, she is now enrolled in religious education once a week.  And since she brought home her CCD workbook, I thought, great, let's take a look together.  And it was very cool.  There was the "Here's the church and here's the steeple" finger play instructions, a place to color in a rainbow over Noah's Ark, and poems.  Let's read one now called "Hurt No Living Thing" by Christina Georgina Rossetti:



I am not alone in my crazed
quest.  I know exactly what this
stick figure is wielding in her
hands (it's a pheremone trap)

Hurt no living thing:
Ladybird, nor butterfly,
Nor moth with dusty... "Oh, dear"... wing,
Nor cricket chirping cheerily,
Nor grasshopper so light of leap,
Nor dancing gnat, nor beetle fat,
Nor harmless worms that creep.

The "oh, dear" was my interjection.  See, ever since we bought an infested package of dates from the Indian emporium Patel Brothers, I've been waging an intense moth-extermination regime.  I bought pheremone traps and moth balls, Oxo containers that cost $17.99 (!!) a pop, and any time I see a larva or moth I make a big production out of killing it.  My battles with the moths are legendary, and are very well known by my daughter.  So, how does one reconcile insane anti-moth mommy with the lovely poem above and its moral message?

This is war!

So, we learned about the interpretive nature of religion right off the bat.  See, what they mean not hurting moths is, don't hurt the ones minding their own business.  But, I'm sure the author doesn't want moths eating all of her oat bran and popcorn, right?  Also, surely the author eats meat, so she didn't mention pigs and cows in that little ditty, did she?  And, another thing: plants are living, too, so does she not eat vegetables nor trample on grass?  Does she let termites eat her deck and mosquitos feast on her juicy thighs and so on?  So, yes, I sucked the magic right out of that poem, but hopefully not out of her religious education.  There are so many difficult topics to explain to young children regarding religion; I know as a child I hated the ambiguity and the downright contradictory nature of it, and I gave my poor mother a lot of grief doing my CCD lessons.  Any readers have any suggestions for avoiding trouble on this topic?



Cutting an Acrylic Circle - Reworking a Bentwood and Cane Table with Paint and Acrylic

Hello, loyal readers.  I can't imagine my audience, since this blog has the same focus as its author: scattered.  A little miniatures, a bit of home improvement, some projects, and a lot of venting about teaching.  Please comment or like my blog so I can know what you're hear to read!

Thanks, Jean Kelleher for the
photo

Today, I bring you a project.  There is a once ubiquitous small side table made of curved wood, possible bamboo, with a caned top.  One day, probably close to a year ago, I found one in bad condition in the garbage on my way to work.  Here it is, looking forlorn and a hopeless wreck:





If it's not silver, it's pink.

The finished product. 
The sides are a bit dusty

So, of course, this project involves spray paint.  I chose pink.  But, finding a new top was the biggest part of this project.  Now, I spy quite a bit of plexiglass or acrylic or lucite or perspex - whichever name you use to refer to it - on my daily path.  It is sometimes a panel from a lighting fixture, or a window, or part of an old shelving unit.  In any case, I have a supply on hand.  I traced one of the wood circles onto the plexiglass and used a soldering iron (a hot knife would work as well) to cut it out.  Then, I used a pair of pliers to remove the melted plastic that hardened into a crust along the edge of the circle (shown in video below), and sanded the edges smooth.  For now, I just have the circle lying on top of the table, but perhaps someday I will attach it more firmly with a silicon bead.  The cost of this table was free, since everything I needed I already had on hand.  It is occupying a place of honor in my basement right now, and will soon be covered with random junk and toys.  Pretty stylish basement junk-holder, don't cha think?



Fixing Worn-Out Shoes with Glitter

So, what does one do when their favorite pair of shoes becomes banged up and run down?  For me, I love the heel and the wearability of my Gabriella Rocha Mary Janes.  But, since they were my "go-to" shoe, they suffered the wear-and-tear of a child's pair of sneakers.  My pair of dress shoes had suffered rips in the patent leather, as well as wearing of the finish on the buttons and heel (especially the left, driving foot), and were looking generally shabby.  Time to toss them, right? 

On the left is the torn up, original finish.  On
the right, the sanded surface.

Of course not.  It's time to glitterize.  First, if you have a patent leather shoe, you cannot paint or glue anything onto the surface, since it is shiny and slick.  So take a fine- to medium-grit sandpaper to the finish, as I did on the shoe to the right on the picture to the left.  Next, modge podge it, baby, and then throw on the glitter!  When it is completely covered in glitter, seal it with a clear topcoat.  Good as new!!!



New, improved shoes!

A few warnings: the glitter version will be stiffer than the original pair, so you might want to ease into wearing them post-glitter.  And, second, glitter finds its way everywhere, so you might want to complete the bulk of this process outside!  Even after you seal the shoes, glitter does come off, so keep that in mind.

I love the shape and silouhette of my Mary Janes, and, although I prefer the patent look, I am glad that I can still get some wear out of them.  And, what could be fancier than glittery-tootsies? 

Latest Hair-Brained Project Preview

I have many, many math manipulatives, which I acquire primarily through the trash.  At the end and beginning of every school year, as teachers are forced to change rooms, many teachers throw away things that are not useful to themselves.  For instance, in something I consider almost a crime, I tossed many books that I used last year for independent reading.  This year, my room is a fraction of the size of my room last year (literally a fraction, and smaller than a third) and I do not have the space to keep them.  That, and, as many of you remember from this blog, the students did not exactly take the best care of them.  In any case, last year, I saw a social studies teacher throwing away some math manipulatives, and when I said I was going to pull them from the trash, he showed me two entire closets of manipulatives that he was going to dispose of next.  Well, I got out my handy little cart (that I also took from the garbage), and I hauled those things out of there. 

I took the blocks to
make something akin
to this.

So, one of the things I gained from this instance of good-timing was many, many, many wooden cubes.  They are provided in a kit, and since I have snap cubes, which, in contrast to the kit blocks, stay together when the students are building rectangular prisms, I do not use the wooden blocks.  But, never fear, I of course had a plan for the rejects.  The idea originally involved building a mono-chromatic version of something along the lines of the picture to the left, but when I wanted to show my daughter my vision, I googled "block art".  Well, let me tell you, there is a whole host of new ways I can take this.  Below, I've posted some of my inspirational pieces.  A quart or two of wood glue, some graph paper templates, a spray or two of paint, and a lot of time and patience, and my latest masterpiece shall be revealed.  These projects keep me sane, I swear.  Some could argue that they keep me just on the safe side of the cuckoo dividing line.  Without my cockamamie schemes, life would be dreary and monotonous.  So, now I'm excited!

Reasons Kids Should Not Rush into Adulthood

Your parents won't let you stay up late, they don't like your friends, they don't want you texting, they won't let you wear THAT.  God, they're so mean!  It would be great if you were living away from them, then you could do whatever you want.

But, once you are an adult, you can't switch back.  Maybe the fact that you do get to text at all, and that you didn't have to earn the money for the thing they won't let you wear will look like a pretty sweet deal once you get a taste of adult life.  Kids, don't rush being an adult.  Sex, drugs, baby mama drama: there will be plenty of that for the rest of your life.  Enjoy doing kid things.  Play with dolls, play dress up, play house, but for God's sake, don't have kids, dress slutty, or move out on your own until you are educated and employed.

Some reasons that adulthood sucks:

The image of him with scissors up his
nose was deemed less adorable

Hair:  Yes, men and women shave.  But, boys, you should know that you also will be fighting a nose, ear and eyebrow expansion the likes of which you can only imagine.  And girls, there is no end to the places that you will need a hair removal regime.  Eyebrows, underarm and legs are obvious, but other areas of concern include your chin, toes, bikini area, sideburns, your upper lip, the area beneath your belly button, nipples, and depending on your ethnicity anywhere you have a mole, or your arms.

And then there's math, often accompanied by legalese.  Oh, if you think you do too much math now, just wait until you start learning about call margins, mortgage points, APR's, tax brackets and overdrafts.  It may all be mumbo-jumbo to you, but I assure you it's all as mind-numbingly dull while still as dazzlingly complicated as it sounds.  And it is all integral to being an adult.

Smells: from your underarms, from your mouth, from your feet, from your privates.  Adults are not as naturally fresh as kids.  Also, if you, and by this I actually mean you, kiddo, don't take out the garbage, clean up from dinner, scrub the tub, do the laundry, swab the toilet, change the linens, mop the floor, rake the leaves, snake the sink, inventory the refrigerator, and a host of other menial tasks that you think is beneath you right now, well, you'll have a host of other smells as well, none of them good.

Sex: okay, this is a good part of adulthood.  But, there are consequences to sex.  I know you think you have heard it all: disease, unwanted pregnancies, a bad reputation.  The least of these troubles is a bad reputation, but once you get that, you'll be a pariah with the goody-goodies, and your new friends will be all be part of the bad crowd, and the bad crowd has sex, so it won't be long before the other two consequences happen to you.  And I'm sure you think I'm wrong and that it won't happen to you.  It will.  Steer clear of random sex, and be very carefully with whom and how you fornicate.

This is less glamorous when you have to
do it yourself everyday at 5:15 a.m.

Which brings us to babies.  Girls, especially those from homes where there is not enough love, are usually in a rush to start their own families.  The cute little babies will love you unconditionally, or at least that's what you think.  You won't be at all like your parents!  And, how precious are infants?  You cannot wait to have one.  Well, wait.  For the love of God, wait.  First of all, there will always be drama with the father.  Always.  Second of all, babies are outrageously expensive, and require 24 hour care.  Babies don't take holidays.  You will broke and isolated and sleep deprived.  That is the reality.  And, finishing your education will be difficult, if not impossible, so your child will not attend a good school (because that takes cash, or political connections), and your child will meet the wrong types, and your child will hate you.  Sooner than you think.  They grow up so fast, and they get attitudes even faster.  And, you will be exactly like your parents, and you will understand.  And they will refrain from telling you "I told you so", because they love you. 


So, children, enjoy being a child.  It will end all to soon, and you will look back on it as the best part of your life.  Yes, that is correct.  Your life is as good now as it will ever be.  Trust me.

On the Eve of Kindergarten - An Ode to My Little Girl

Baby of mine, this week you start kindergarten and officially become a kid.  No longer a baby, toddler or preschooler, you are now a "big kid", the next stage is tweendom.  I write this today as your mother, your biggest admirerer, and your greatest fan.  Little girl, may you someday know the joy you brought me when I learned I was about to have a baby; may you face the fear and eventual pride of childbirth.  I know you will be strong in those first days as a new mother, and you will know what it is to love too much a small part of you, fragile yet resiliant. 

You were always in ahead of your time.  Your father and I were not together very long when I became pregnant, and you arrived five weeks before your due date.  You always spoke clearly, you behaved so maturely, and were so tall that very few people believed us when we would tell them your actual age.  You always possessed an ability to reason, and you already read fluently and have a vocabulary of a high schooler.  Part of the reason that you are an only child is that we know that any sibling of yours would never measure up, because you are perfect; however, it saddens me greatly to not be able to give you a sister or brother.  You are kind, you are enthusiastic, and you bring smiles to all who meet you, but especially me.  Your whole demeanor is so lovely and innocent that I cannot help but smile at everything you say and do.

I would freeze you in time, but then I wouldn't get

to experience the joys you hold for me next.

Today, only five years old, you have such a wonderful future in front of you.  Laura, you can be whatever you want to be.  See the world, enjoy life, and learn always.  The world is a beautiful and wonderful place, with so many interesting people, places and ideas.  You have made me so proud, little lady.  You have been a wonderful child and you have exceeded my hopes.  You are my shining star.  I love you!  Mom.