2013: A Look Back, A Look Forward

I'm this much more tech
saavy than my 70-year
old mother

This blog started in 2011, with a grand total of one post.  My resolution last year this time, somewhat facetiously, was to double that post count.  Well, as this is my 123rd post, so I didn't just make my goal, I crushed it, people.  Goal, crushed!  Whoooooooot!  That feels good.  From this humble beginning, today, I have ten, ten!, followers, and I don't even think that one is my mom, because she still can't figure out how to comment on a post.  And I cannot help her, because I'm only thiiiiiissss much more tech saavy than she is.  Granted, one of my followers is my extremely cool blogging cousin, but the other nine just follow me for a reason other than familial loyalty!  Isn't that amazing?  I cannot believe that!  Thank you!


Ten, baby!  Boooyah!

Another goal that was trounced in 2012 was my business sales, which was not even envisioned one year ago.  So, from not even being imagined, I can now tell you that I have sales in the tens of dollars for 2012.  Guys, cancer cannot stop this freight train that is The Hard Way!  2013 is going to be the best year ever!  We have momentum.  I would love to be able to have this business take time away from my career, so that it becomes necessary to decide whether or not I should quit my job.  My God, I want to quit my job!  So that is the first goal for 2013.  Here are all of them, in no particular order:


Reverse the downward spiral that is my
Cow Harbor "performance".  Become a
close, personal friend of the Dalai Lama



1. Have business sales increase by 1000% (that would be $4000 for those math-phobes)
2. Be able to tell career to take a hike, or allow me freedom to instill love of learning on my terms, or at least set up groundwork for exit plan
3. Travel more, and further (ie Europe)
4. Do more random acts of kindness and become more appreciative of the things I do have.  (I'm aiming for 26 acts of kindness, one for each Newtown victim, which works out to just over two per month)
5. Enjoy the wonderfulness that is my daughter
6. Increase focus and audience of blog.  Redesign to look more professional
7. Attend at least one miniature event
8. Make this the year we attend the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular
9. Heal, and then get back into amazing shape (okay, the word "back" doesn't belong in that sentence, but it makes me feel better to have there, so it stays)
10. Set a new personal best at this year's Cow Harbor 10K
11. Not have any more health problems!!!  Enough!
12. Take more care and interest in my appearance (it would help if I was working with more than just eleven year olds).  I can't even get into this one on break, so I can't imagine how I think I'll be able to do it on the hectic school days, but it's a goal.
13. Return every library book and DVD on time (not going to happen, but one can wish)
14. Try, try, try to improve things with husband, or just figure out how to get out of this horrible situation (sorry, needs to be said)
15. Have an extended family destination vacation.
16. Make the beds every day
17. Figure out a way to appreciate what I have, while still striving for things to be better (and send an instructive letter to the Dalai Lama explaining how this is to be achieved.  Win Nobel Peace Prize.)

Alright, it has veered off into fictional territory.  It's truly amazing how lofty AND banal my list is simultaneously.  Here's hoping everyone has a wonderful, dream come true 2013.

Undersized Urbanite To-Do List





Master Bedroom



Living Room

Now that Christmas is over, I can work on the dollhouse in the open.  Here is the status of the home as of year end, 2012, along with the to-do list of little improvement projects.  I will cross them out as they are completed.  The easiest should be to locate the shower holder, although it is small, and our house, even though tiny compared to most others, is like a haystack to my shower holder needle.  I hate to have to make another.  Ah, well.



Dining Room

As proof that children will believe in Santa Claus until they are good and ready to stop, despite a world of unbelievers, when L's friend's mother was admiring it, she said how I had done this and done that.  Well, L put her in her place immediately, telling her "No, Santa Claus brought it!".  I remember being that indignant with other children circulating malicious rumors about Santa not really existing.  We will believe until the day that our parents level with us and tell us, that, no, there really is no Santa Claus.  Or, that, yes, there is a Santa, and he lives inside of each one of us, which is the explanation I prefer.  Some people think that telling children a lie is heartless, but I'm of the opinion that children deserve a little magic.  Besides, they will need faith and belief throughout life, so what's the harm?  L believes in fairies, and, incredibly, at the end of Madagascar 3, she turned to me and asked "Was that real?".  Bless her heart, the world is still magical and it still holds a place for a man who gives toys to everyone and zoo animals that steer a van through the streets of Paris and, well, whatever else happens in Madagascar 3.  Why would I not want her to think such lovely thoughts?



Bathroom & Bedroom - please notice TRIPLE
baby bunkbed, people.  L asked, what is the word
after triple?  Quadruple, why?  Now she wants
a quadruple baby bunkbed.



Kitchen - of all the rooms, the least finished

Hmmm...Ahhh...Childhood...

Ahem!  Right!  The to-do list:

1. Bolster Pillow - I just think they look cool
2. Finish Pink Moroccan Pattern Rug
3. Finish Egg Chair
4. Make 2 Window Molds for Keystone House
5. Put in "Glass" in Windows
6. Make a Laminate Floor for Keystone Floors - half completed (lower floors) 1/9/13
7. Finish Herringbone Floor (Sand and Polyurethane) completed 1/2/13
8. Locate Shower Holder and Install in Bathroom - gave up on relocating and fashioned a new one 1/9/13
9. Wallpaper Each Room - half completed (lower floors) 1/9/13
10. Make Square Arm Armchair
11. Make Dining Room Chandelier (my idea is Faboo)
12. Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize

New Bedroom Linens

See, posting pictures makes
you realize how things really
look.  I'm not happy with the
"inner" curtains.

Another thing I'm noticing is
a distinct lack of color.  I'd
like to make a flame-stitch
pillow cover to rectify.

Here she is, the new bedroom look, featuring fresh sheets and duvet.  It is one of two duvets I bought, and one of two sheet sets I bought.  Both duvets are for the master bedroom, and one of the sheet sets is for my daughter's bedroom.  The other duvet is still in the mail, but will be featured soon.  The art on the walls is the latest in a rotating installation by my daughter - I rue the day I taught her to make a tape circle.

A nice duvet with a printed lace motif.

I went through the linen closet and got rid of bedding that were cast-offs from my in-laws.  They were married 55 years ago, and since they were raised in impoverished Nazi Germany, they never throw anything away, so you can imagine what they looked like for them to decide they had to go.  But, nothing is shabby enough for my husband!  Quite a bit came back with him from his trip to the donation center.  Oh my GAWD!

This is the duvet that it replaced.  It is currently soaking in a turquoise dye bath.  The curtains in the before picture make judging this photo unfair; I think they were made of fiberglass!  Nothing in these pictures was left untouched by me.  I silver leafed the side table and changed the hardware.  I repaired, painted, and replaced the hardware on the other side table.  I made the lamps and made the mirror.   I will need to do a whole post on the bedroom.  But, for now, I want you to weigh in on the bedding.  Whatcha think?

Idea to Improve my Daily Appearance

While researching overdying, for my master bed linen redo, I saw a lot of bloggers who overdye thrifted outfits.  That's great in and of itself, but what got my attention was that some of them blog about what they wear, every day of the year.  I've seen some good blog themes, like doing one good deed a day (which I've started in our household, but so far our only good deed is giving the backyard squirrels pistachio nuts.  Okay, and I invited my childhood friend with stage 4 cancer free use of our home while she is a patient at Sloan Kettering), trying one new thing a week, and other things that look like they could be fun.  But taking a picture of oneself everyday?  That would be work (the getting camera-ready, not the taking of the picture)!  Perhaps I could do that only on work days, since days like today, I'm not dressing to shave sweaters, paint a ceramic elephant and dye linens. 

Before, zombie pink

Mid-redo, fresh white

And finished product

So, speaking of the elephant, here she is before, middle of redo, and after.  She was cute and pink before, but the pink had faded unevenly, and the shade may best be described as "Zombie Pink".  It was time for a freshening up, since I assume she is from the 1950's and as such, has been sporting the same shade for over sixty years.  So, out comes the ceramic paint, which is fairly close to foolproof.  The two colors I had on hand were white and shocking pink (which I used on my owl on the shelf, here), so I went with the white for her.  I feel she has at least 60 years left in her now.

Would You Rather...

How Conditions Requiring Hospitalizations Stack Up

There are clear distinctions between conditions that require hospitalization.  Consumer reports surveyed one woman who experienced three different ailments that led to hospital admission.

Our models: Our childbirth model was a 2007 natural, premature delivery.  Like the other conditions, this was unplanned.  The stroke was a 2009 carotid artery dissection, which was even more unexpected than the other two conditions.  And the cancer was a 2012 cervical stage 1B, with a preventative radical, laparoscopic hysterectomy.

The acquisition of the conditions all start with sex.  In the case of childbirth, the responders remember exactly the onset of the condition; it was at the Jersey Shore, on a warm summer’s day, and we had just steamed up the...in any case, it scored high.  With the stroke, acquiring the precondition was as easy as being born, since it is a genetic condition.  The exact moment cancer was obtained cannot be determined, and any positive feelings that may have resulted in gaining the condition was negated by many angry exchanges between responders and spouses, so it receives a lower score.

The stroke, being a complete surprise, required zero advanced preparations, scoring highest on this criterion.  The cancer was diagnosed three months prior to the surgery, and required a litany of doctors appointments and a charming bowel prep, practiced twice.  The childbirth was diagnosed less than six months before the hospitalization, and involved normal baby and birth preparations, as well as honeymoon and marriage planning.  Marriage planning was complicated by girth of bride and stress of parading down aisle visibly pregnant, so it received the lowest score.

The stroke registered the most negative after-effects of the three conditions.  The joy that the responder’s child brought outweigh the stress and worry of offspring.  Cancer will hopefully just be a small blip on the radar, requiring diligence and attention for the rest of the responder’s life, but not affecting her with any long-term negative effects.  Stroke affects the brain, and since the cause cannot be pinpointed, will stress out our responder for the rest of her life.

The length of hospitalization was longest for the stroke, and unbelievably shortest for cancer, however, the hospital stay was rated as the best for childbirth because the recovery of both mother and baby was quick and comparatively painless than that of cancer.

The mental anguish related to the conditions associated with childbirth were thought to be severe at the time, but the anxiety and stress were more severe for stroke and cancer.  The duration of the pain was less for childbirth was much less than for cancer or stroke, but the intensity was much, much greater.

Update on My Cancer

They are developing a cute tumor and bottle
of Calcium Citrate for the Abominable Prep
musical number scene.

It's the holiday season, so sit by the fire, grab some cocoa, and let's talk about cancer.  It's a great story.  Rankin Bass may decide to animate this classic holiday tale soon, so you can say you heard it here first.



Not radical, dude.

I had my "radical" hysterectomy on Tuesday afternoon into Tuesday evening.  I tell people that natural childbirth is the most extreme of any extreme sport, but radical hysterectomies are not radical in the 80's tubular or gnarly sense.  They just suck.  Better to just keep getting those pap smears, ladies, and if something turns up, hope you can get a LEEP.  I am thankful that this will likely be irradicated for my daughter through vaccinations.   It's truly amazing how the anesthesiologist can just knock you out, and it's unlike sleep.  I guess the closest analogy would be a blackout, where you just lose time.  The time continuum jumps for one person.  It's very strange.  Anyhow, I felt good when I came to around 10 p.m.  My husband was there.  I had no sleep Tuesday night, and Wednesday was a frenzy of activity.  I was very down, since my husband did not make any contact until 11 a.m., but a priest visited me and I met a therapy dog in the hallway.  Man, can animals improve my mood.  The poor thing, a seven-year old black lab, was dressed in a Santa Claus suit, and he had no real joy in his eyes, but selfish me didn't care.  Petting an animal has always been on my top ten list of activities.



Toomey Tumor will be the featured
character in "It's a Cervical Cancer
Christmas, Toomey!"

I am home now.  I can finally catch up on whether DeQuan is the father of adorable eight month old Traynesia (awwww!).  My daughter was with us the first night, which always brightens my mood.  She stayed at her Oma and Opa's house last night, since my husband went back to work today.  I feel good.  The abdominal pain has subsided considerably, and I'm moving more and more like a human.  I slept for almost twelve hours last night.  I am hoping to find out about the lymph nodes on the day after Christmas.  Hopefully, this huge medical drama is behind me.  But, like my other medical incidents, they're never really OVER over, you know?  You're always wary, and ever mindful of the next possible calamity.  I keep thinking, well, I'm getting my health problems out of the way early, that's good.  But is this just the new normal?  I hope this is it now.  May my next hospital visit be to the morgue, in at least three decades.  I feel the need to mention the timeline.  All in all, I could do without the drama. 

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers; it does help.  And, I'd also like to mention Tig Notaro and Marjorie Gross, for making cancer, if not funny, at least ridiculous and eye-rollingly annoying, at just the right time.  Don't buy in bulk.  "I used to use the word “someday,” but now I figure someday is for people with better gene pools."  I will never forget the humor they brought me.  I will let you know the diagnosis on Wednesday.  Happy Holidays!*

EDITOR'S NOTE: I will not find out the results from pathology regarding cancer in the lymph nodes until Friday, January 4th.  Bummer!

Minis for Minis

The exterior

and interior

So, for our Christmas gift miniature dollhouse, we of course needed a dollhouse for the dollhouse.  Little eyes are reading this post, so I need to make it short.  It still needs a staircase, and a bathroom sink, but I think it's looking pretty cool.  Here are the pictures of the minis' mini.  

What Making Minis Has Taught Me

It has been almost a year since I started this blog in earnest.  I made my first dollhouse, and then proceeded to take it apart one accident at a time.  I sold my first miniature.  I registered my business and even have an EIN number.  I have joined a contest and have already made so many friends who share this passion.  My goal for next year is to taper off the teaching posts, since those are usually bitter and jaded, and focus on my miniatures.  I think this is already happening naturally.  Eventually, I like to ditch the teaching career, since I no longer enjoy it.  I am thrilled to have started this adventure, and I cannot wait to see where it takes me next.

So, in the vein of yearly retrospectives, let me look back at some wisdom gained in year one of The Hard Way. 

• If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try again.

I still haven't figured out my
tulip table, but I will!

So many little, tiny stitches.

• Your progress may seem infinitessimally small, but many very small steps will lead to great joy and beauty.

• Many small projects very quickly becomes one very large mess.
• Having a hobby you enjoy can give one something to look forward to.
• Your own life may be a horrible mess, but you can control the mini world.

The Before Shots of My Undersized Urbanite Project

My Keystone dollhouse project is hidden until Christmas, so it is difficult for me to photograph surreptiously.  But, since we had company over the weekend, and I needed to put my flooring project away temporarily, I stored it in the dollhouse and stole a couple of pictures.  I also set up my bathroom furniture in the pink upstairs room, and, wouldn't you know it, the ceilings are too low for the corner vanity?  Even if I move the bathroom down the hall, the second floor ceilings will not accomodate the vanity against the back wall, and I cannot place it anywhere else.  So, luckily I have a cool Tomy bathroom set.  Should I modify the vanity by removing the bottom shelf, or go with the Tomy?  We'll see what I come up with there.

This is the lower level, which
will be the kitchen.  The vanity
fits there, but it doesn't go in
the kitchen!  It looks wonky
because I haven't yet fixed
the floor.

The vanity doesn't fit in this
room. Hence, it will be a
 bedroom, but the ceilings
 are equally low throughout
the second floor!



The ground floor has wallpaper fitted for the dining room, and, although not shown yet in the pictures below, it is fabulous.  I am going to use the half wall from the great room upstairs to partition the bathroom, and downstairs I will use my new and improved orange juice cap dividing screen.  The lower heat setting on the iron did the trick.  The ground floor should look great in time for Christmas.  I also have to fix the front door, which has a major chip on one side, and make a successful replacement set of windows.  I did make a mold and casting of the one large window that came with the house, but that leaked out of the mold, and I didn't use mildew remover mold release, so it cracked when removing it from the mold.  Will the second time be the charm?

The floor looks good in its
future home

Success making a geometric
screen




What it Should Have Looked Like, What it Will Look Like, and What Does it Look Like to You?

Well, that didn't turn out the way I thought it would

I was aiming to make a supercool geometric room divider from the plastic pulls that come on orange juice containers.  And it nearly worked.  The superglue and hot glue wasn't working, so I decided to iron it underneath wax paper.  I guess the iron was set too high.  But, the idea has traction.  The next one will be better.  This should have looked better.

Before

After

And, speaking of possibly good ideas, have I made any progress on the floor?  Seriously?  I feel like it's going nowhere.  It will be amazing, it will be amazing.  That is my mantra.

And finally, does anyone have any guesses as to what this will be? I have high hopes.  We'll see if it measures up in any meaningful way.

Dollhouse Herringbone Floor Progress - Not as Bad as I Thought

Okay, so you agree that this is around 10%
finished, right?  I mean, definitely not less
than 10% done.  It's clearly not going
to take as long as I first thought, right?
  It's really not going to be so bad.

This herringbone floor is really not as bad as I thought it would be.  I have around 10% of it finished.  I'm going to attempt to sand it before I complete the whole thing and then learn that it crumbles to pieces when I try to sand it.  So far, here are a few things I've learned:

• I've never really studied a coffee stirrer before, but now that I have, I realize that they have no standard width, depth or length.  They are not retangular in shape, either.  In other words, they suck.  If it wasn't for the fact that they were free, I wouldn't be using them.
• Coffee stirrers are easily cut by scissors, but they are also easily turned into splinters by scissors.
• I should have started on one of the uglier, smaller floors.  I would be done by now, and the wood in the main room is not as hideous as the 1960's bright blue and pink painted floors. 
• I'm going to need an orbital sander.

Just look at this picture again.  I drew some lines
over it now.  It's even more than 10% done, right?
It is so clear now with the lines. It's practically
done.  I'm totally not worried.  I should not be
worried, right?

When my husband asked me "Where is this going?", and I replied, "Where do you think?", I was surprised when he said, the resignation in his tone barely noticeable, "On the wall".  Um, honey, things cut from dowels and painted silver go on the wall.  Things cut from milk cartons go on the wall.  Coffee stirrers painstakingly laid in a zigzag pattern is obviously NOT wall art.  Duh!

Or, could it be?

First Undersized Urbanite Project - A Herringbone Pattern False Floor

Since I am renovating a Keystone of Boston dollhouse that is in very, very good condition, I want to modify it in a way that maintains its value.  Not that I think I could actually get money for it one day, but who knows?  Maybe it will one day be auctionned off at Christies.  But, realistically, I want to be able to change it without destroying it.  So, the first project that I have taken on is to redo the floor in the main room.  The main room is a combination living room and dining room, with a half wall partitioning them.  So, the actual measurements are a whopping 15" x 24".  I am making the "hardwood" flooring from coffee stirrers.  Cost: $0.00.  Thank you, Trader Joe's and Barnes and Noble and Starbucks.  Each stirrer is 5.5" long, and my pattern requires cutting them to 7/8 of an inch long.  I will definitely regret this decision later, if I do not already realize my foolhardiness.

What I've done so far is fashion a cardboard footprint.  I had to glue two 8.5" x 11" pieces (which, for those math phobes out there, makes 17" x 22") and made up the rest with strips.  Then, I surrounded the perimeter with full coffee stirrers, and I will painstakingly and hopefully patiently glue the tiny, tiny strips of wood into a zigzag pattern.  Let's do the math, shall we?

Area of floor: 360 square inches (minus around 7 square inches for the cutout for the stair landing)

Area of one wood strip: 0.1640625 square inches (dimensions 3/16" x 7/8" or 0.1875" x 0.875")

Number of wood strips needed to cover floor: 360 ÷ 0.1640625 = 2194

Or, in other words, I'm going to be gluing for a very, very long time.  Let's hope it turns out okay, and that I survive the ordeal with most of my sanity intact.  Or is it already gone?

Fixed Up Bedroom Set and Starburst Mirror

I spent an awfully long time
on that mattress...

...just to cover it up with a
fitted sheet

My inquisitive daughter found the bedroom set I bought from the estate sale that "coorced" me to buy the Keystone of Boston dollhouse.  But, I have made some minor changes.  The chair's back was off, and I've reglued it.  The cradle now features a mattress, as does the master bed, after one misfire.  I love the button detailing.  I need to now make the bedding.  I'm thinking white sheets would go best with the extremely busy hand painting. 

 

Then I have a new starburst mirror, made with polymer clay.  I will add it to my etsy store.  I love it! 

Did You Know? Strawberry Shortcake Doesn't Look Like She Used To

I am too old to have enjoyed the first incarnation of many of the nostalgic toy brands that are still popular today, such as Care Bears, My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake.  Those three things came after my time.  The big girl toys of my day were Holly Hobby, old style Fisher Price (that was, gasp, made in America), and Dawn dolls, or, at least, that's what I played with.  I was already growing out of the Muppets in their heyday, but I still loved them.  So it came as something of a surprise when, after my daughter's well-loved and overused Care Bear plate broke, that I started to look on ebay for a replacement and realized that, like me, these characters have changed over the years.  Unlike me, they are getting brighter, thinner and glossier, but also creepier.  To wit:

 

Now, it's not on the grounds of sentimentalism that I am basing my complaints; I wasn't a fan of these characters as a child.  Every redesign or new character seems to be getting thinner, while the American populace is getting fatter, and they all have huge eyes.  The new versions are slicker and shinier, but less cuddly and nuanced.  If you look at the left hand side of the pictures, they are warmer and more real (if babies wearing bonnets playing with cutsy animals, colorful bears playing on a cloud or rainbow-haired blue ponies could be real). 

 

In my research, I found many people were already aware of this phenomenon; people who, I must assume, have a lot more free time than me.  Some say the newer versions are sexier.  I say, those of us who are finding bears, ponies, and little girls who dress like fruit sexy should perhaps find help somewhere.  I just find them all more flat and artificial.  I miss warm children's characters.  Maybe it's just easier to make them into a figurine when they already look plastic. 



Ugh!  Holly Hobbie went from country, to surburban, to urban.  I wish I didn't know this.

Undersized Urbanite Contest

I am taking this dollhouse passion to the next level by joining a contest.  Last year, I was amazed at the entrants in a contest called "I'm a Giant", and, although it ended, or didn't, on a sour note, it still seemed like something that I wanted to try.  So today I found out about a new challenge, and immediately signed up.  At the moment, I am not expecting to win, I just need a goal to motivate me.  The contest is called the Undersized Urbanite, and I'm encouraged that it is not starting out with all sorts of designers and the stylish set.  It seems to be more populated by normal people, with full-time jobs, and a hobby that they like to share.

I have no idea what I'm going to do in this project.  I don't have mood boards, I don't have a grand vision.  I'm not even sure if I should paint it, as it is a collectible house and it's in really good shape.  I may make false walls and affix them non-permanently, which will add a level of complexity that I probably don't need.  I believe I'm going to make a new floor from popsicle sticks, but we'll see.  I may try to weave a stair runner on my miniature loom.  Let's see how my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants project turns out.  Here's what my dollhouse looks like today, so that when the miraculous redo is complete, we can all look back and marvel.

Advice New and Expecting Parents Will Actually Use

Babies are adorable! 
Congratulations!   But....

Congratulations!  You are about to become a parent!  If you have just learned you are about to have a child, or if you have recently had a child, I am sure you are boning up on diaper options, sleeping tips, and nipple types.  All that is important, but there is some advice that is less well known, but possibly even more crucial.  Why does no one tell you these things?  It's possible because there isn't a dollar to be earned, but it's invaluable.  Here is advice you will need if you are considering parenthood.

Do not buy stickers.  Ever.  Sure, some experts tell you stickers are a great motivator for potty training.  That's just not true.  Potty training will happen when your child is good and ready, and no amount of stickers will move up that date.  But, what they won't tell you is that kids and stickers is one of the worst combinations invented.  You will need a good solvent, and flat-edged razor.  When you want to wear your favorite blouse, you will realize that it went through the wash with a sticker on it and it will now require 45 minutes to an hour of rubbing to remove it, after which, the blouse will be stretched in just that one spot.  Stickers will be placed everywhere, except on paper.  The best way to remove a sticker is slooooooowly.  Better yet, do not let a sticker cross the threshold of your home.

When you moms-to-be moan about how often you have to pee, let me counter that complaint with your post-baby bathroom experiences: at least you get to pee in peace.  Your self-interested child will take every opportunity to not allow a shred of privacy: either she will conveniently have to go the very moment she sees you heading for the bathroom, or she will talk through the door at you, ask for help, or even push things underneath the door.

I'm not sure what's better about Formula 409 than, say, Formula 216 or Formula 155, but you might as well get the oil drum size now.  That, and learn to love a sponge.  You might consider having one permanently attached to your hand now.

Fun toothpaste flavors such as Blue Sparkle or Pink Bubble gum are good for enticing kids to brush, but get bathroom towels that match these dayglo colors, or you'll be doing a wash after every brushing. 

You can thank me later.  Buy one
of everything.

See that loooooong aisle of pediatric medicine?  Get one of each.  Don't understand the value of a Nose Frida?  Can't make out what you do with a Savi Baby Medibottle?  It doesn't matter, just buy it now and figure it out later.  Teething gel, Desitin, Chloraseptic, you will never need them at noon on a Saturday.  Buying everything now will save you many an ungodly early morning run to the one pharmacy open at that hour.  While you're at it, you might as well get one of all of the adult elixirs, as well, since kids don't cover their mouths, and they do stick their fingers into their noses and wipe it on the nearest surface.  Hence, the 409 advice above.

If you have any expensive lipsticks, for an accurate simulation of having a child, smoosh your pinky finger into it.  Then, find a rug, bed linen, or silk outfit that you cherish, and wipe your finger aaaaaaaaaaallllllll over it.  Then, grab a nail polish and paint it on your favorite piece of furniture or kitchen surface.  Now you have an idea of what parenthood is like.

It's amazing we love them at all,
considering how disgusting they
are.

And finally, when buying cute blankies, adorable crib sheets, and soft fluffy rugs, just remember this: they will be crusted over with milk regurgitation, vomit, poo and pee.  Better to just buy the unattractive 100% polyester, plastic covered stuff and you won't have to worry about how to clean Aunt Emma's hand knitted angora chenille afghan.

You're welcome.