Am I Self-Made? Not Society-Failed, At Least

Things went wrong in my childhood, naturally. I once was sent to the principal's office for successfully scaling a drainpipe to the 2nd floor. I carved "I hate Mom" into the softened wood of our window sashes when I was deprived of some long ago forgotten luxury. She absolutely could not deal with my grass stained knees. Normal stuff. So I was woefully unprepared for when, at 10, the wheels came off the bus and I moved from my idyllic New England town to Cleveland. Poor Cleveland is finally failing on its own merits instead of its poor comparison to Rhode Island. Puberty timed its entrance perfectly, making this life's earthquake all the more difficult, but as much as I was up against, I had a secret weapon: my three ladies. My sisters seemed like my world, because we were on a different level than Mom, but I'm the oldest, and Mom and I had a special friendship that was kind of unhealthy, I am realizing now. We built up a boogey man for our problems, and he had a face and name: Dad. Despite the fact that she was brutally ripped from her home and family, she faced the Midwest with her typical spirit of total dominance, done with a beautiful smile. 

I had my struggles with her, of course. Most notably, London. Oh, my, how we argued over that! I broached the topic one night of maybe trying out London for a summer because my roommate was, not because I actually wanted it. I paid for school on my own and was practical, and so it wasn't really an option, until my parents went code level orange because I floated an idea. Then my mind was made up and I was going to London whether I felt like it or not. Three months later, when I told my parents that we needed to talk, she said, "You're not going to London." I can be dominating, too, Mom, so it was too late. The tickets were bought, passport obtained, and it wasn't as if they could threaten to cut me off. Quite the chess move on my part! I was going to be self-made and visit abroad! And, so, I did.

So, I did do it solo financially the minute I was an adult, but whose idea was this? As long as I remember, I was going to college. Then I realized there was no money for it, but that was okay, because I'd been working hard at school which came easily to me, so I got grants and scholarships. A complete success story and I did it alone. I went back to London, then Paris. I got a frantic phone call one night from her because there was a problem with the lines and she made me pick a date to return and so I did: Thanksgiving. I wish I could have lived out my little adventure on my own time instead of artificially truncating it, but I was breaking Mom's heart.

So I returned to fucking Grand Rapids, Michigan, to live near Mom and Dad. It was a memorable year! Dad insisted on going to swim with me and always wanted to race. Mom did her pristine breast stroke so as to preserve the 'do. I introduced her to my date and she said, "Nice to meet you, Kurt". We left and he said, "That's weird! Your mom called me by my brother's name!". I had no idea what my date's first name was and had to look him up in the phone book. It turns out, he was unlisted, but not his brother! In any case, I had a true friendship with both of my parents, I guess you could say. Although, if you do say that, I'll have you know that Dad was a friend of my real friend. I hated that they were a package deal.

Picnic at one of Mom's secret beaches
and a custom summer dress for Lucy.

It is not fair that my friend is gone. I was planning on at least 10 more years. But, I have to look at the bright side which is that I had her for 53 years. And as for self-made, there is no such thing. Everyone once needed help. But there is such a thing as society-failed and it is only the luck of the draw that makes us one or the other. Many of my students were facing puberty without a solid parental figure helping. It is of course usually the female that helps these "self-made" individuals. I am fortunate. I had the best.

I just celebrated my daughter's 17th birthday at a wonderful Peruvian restaurant. Reminder: I have a minimum wage part-time job. She has a pretty awful parent, but I like to think that I am the parent she chooses to align with. I know that 95% of the rationale for that is our shared female connection. She is as independent as it is possible to be at that age but still in that weird area where she relies on us for cash and rides and food and - basically we're staff. Then we're vacation rentals and ATMs, I get it. I want to make college easier than it was for me, at least financially. She did the real work, though, which is getting her education and taking it seriously. 

I may be the only generation who got to sort of envision a future that actually panned out. Mom thought 4 years of college was impractical, because lengthening college shortened the amount of time she'd need to work, which would just be until she became a mother. Until me. But, ten short years later, she was back in the work force and I had to "prepare" dinner twice a week. She could have been the leader of the universe, but she constrained herself using the information she had available at the time. I lived the dream for a moment: I had a career in a male-dominated industry and I made a killing. I made a nest egg and now I can enjoy it. I did it, Mom! I wish you were here to celebrate your success. I wish, I wish, I wish...

Latch Hook a Custom Rug

Rugs these days are pretty cheap, and I use both meanings of cheap. I found a beautiful looped pile ocean themed rug in yuppie central's garbage night, but upon unrolling at home, it was pulled by cat claws and, well... more cat activity occurred sadly. If I'm being honest, though, an underwater theme is great for my hall, but maybe a bit too predictable for this Ocean Stater. I need something quirkier and less practical than sparkly corals. I needed custom.

Top, left most orange flower looks
like Chicken Little in profile

It all seemed so easy in the planning phases. As ever, there were fits and starts and do-overs. I believe that my yarn issues goes back to my original mock-up image which, in retrospect, had white space columns along both long edges. In the end, I have 4 Hobbii white skeins and one complete chartreuse left over after the yarn reordering. Since I knew my lengths were short for the kelly and chartreuse, it was inevitable that I'd be buying more yarn. Now I can use my loom with the leftovers. Yes, I have a loom, and it is Barbie sized and made of plastic. It came with the mechanized loom inventor's bust, who years ago adorned my 6th grade moon landing rocket ship and never found his way home to the Industrial Revolution. He hung out inside the Apollo behind the circular window that was somehow convex and gave the impression that he was more than just shoulders and head. Also, and this was appropriate for my population, he was brown. Not in actual life, but the bust is brown and he looks like a person of color instead of pasty Englishman. He is hanging out with a plush foiled astronaut and, this was 6th grade we're talking about, Sponge Bob. Those were good days. I feel my academy owes its 3-year Spirit Week domination to my creations. My favorites were the cities of New Orleans and Dubrovnik. The moon landing was the culmination of the 60s and I loved my decade because A) I am from this decade and B) Sesame Street! I know there were many huge milestones in the 60s, but from my standpoint, ain't no bigger cultural sensation than the Muppets!

Even Tootie Pie is impressed! I hemmed it, painstakingly, and will wait to trim it until it needs its first refresh and I'm prepared for it to shed all over again. It is still white!

Post mortem: costs

• Original purchase of $151.85 on wool, backing, and hook
• Supplemental purchases of $80-something of extra wool ($27.21) in Hobbii Shamrock (3) and black (1), and $55 for 2 skeins of Sulfur and 3 skeins of gold fusion from Cascade.

    This ought to be lower, but I bought too much white by half and the incorrect sized hook. 

Post mortem: technique and tools

    If anything, the Hobbii yarn was more consistent in thickness and tied for knots with the more reputable Cascade. Learn from my mistakes and splurge on the more expensive canvas. The crummy one I bought from Dimensions had glue blobs, some squares broke, and the edges were an uneven nightmare. When hemming, you really only need 2 or 3 good border squares. Use actual thread instead of handy extra yarn! Oh, and if you have a large canvas, roll it to make the hooking easier. This will tear up the back of the hooked areas and also your couch, if you decide that it is the perfect hooking surface instead of the non-catching kitchen table. The canvas will definitely cut you. And, if you don't heed my warning and go with the Dimensions canvas, it will be simultaneously too stiff AND pliable, in a way that cannot be described. There are different sized hooks and chances are, you will pick up one for 3.5 gauge by accident.

Post mortem: accomplishment

    I already miss my latching project. The planned mini rugs will be a quick and fun hook, but the hemming should be a debacle. Enough faffing about! 

I do love it. I will have an outdoor photo shoot of the rug where I attempt to make it look twee and wear cool shoes and pigeon toe my feet or whatever the kids today go for. 

It would be easy to buy a rug. Probably cheaper. I have 3 other rugs, and one has emotions with it and the others are disposable. My Persian rug from my grandparents will always be my prized possession for many reasons - the one I like to brag of is that because of sanctions, you haven't been able to buy a Persian rug since my Nana was in the department store selecting ours. Other reasons are its huge scale, the beautiful natural colors, and of course, the thinness and overall fineness of it. I cannot imagine how long this took! The amount of knots is incalcucuable.

Impressing Myself - Rewiring a Sputnik Ceiling Fixture to a Swag Fixture

I've been lowballing
tri-state residents for
years before someone
accepted!

I failed Electrical Engineering. First problem was it was three times a week at 8 a.m. Second problem was over confidence. I was certain I understood how to make the light blink using ands and ors and parallel and serial and, well... It wouldn't work. And I experienced it again when I found my dream chandelier, the Sputnik! I have a ceiling fixture taking up valuable floor space for the dining area, so this will go in Tootie Pie's room, but we're keeping the fuchsia chandelier. This Sputnik needed to be switched from a ceiling light to a swag. 

Most tutorials say to just switch out the ceiling end connection with an outlet, wrap the correct wires into the screw socket, and voila! But, I don't have an outlet on my ceiling and so I needed a longer cord. I originally bought the clear kind, but didn't realize that the Sputnik is grounded and the transparent kind I bought only had the 2 prongs, so back it went. The second time I went for something special, since I realized after I bought the transparent cord that it didn't have an on-off switch, it wasn't grounded and the fixture was, AND I found much prettier cords. Everything at ColorCord.com is beautiful!

So pretty. I need an 
extension cord in this color!

It took forever, but I figured out how to get the canopy off. Luckily, the chandy has a wire to attach it to the ceiling so that the weight doesn't pull out the wires. But the canopy wasn't just attached to the bar, but also to the wire that holds the weight, which prevented me from getting it off, until I figured out that there's a button on the bottom of the wire attachment that allows it to come off. If I hadn't figured that out, there would be an extra piece at the base of the wire, because I could only manage to move this adjustable canopy finish cap forward to make the wire shorter and shorter. I backed it out okay eventually because it had a hidden button. For a moment, I thought I'd need the jaws of life or a blowtorch to remove the canopy. And, since this is a knock off Sputnik, the wiring was not standard, and my electrical skills are weak. It is a 24 light fixture, and I ended up having to take each arm's wires out and marking the hot wires. Just like in Electrical Engineering 101, I thought my first attempt was golden and the second! I even visited the hardware store to purchase a current tester, but they were double what I was willing to pay. This was the incentive I needed and I did it right finally! If everything was easy, there would be no sense of accomplishment. It works!

In the end, I got the chandelier for $50, plus I had to buy the cord with the switch and a grounded outlet, which cost me $43.93, and new wire nuts cost $2.99. Labor was free but not inexpensive. Under $100. Not including 24 light bulbs. And, a ceiling hook, which, I already had, but I bought another - oops! I will probably eventually find wire nuts - it might be time to organize my hardware. And, a plug converter that I need now because my outlet isn't grounded! Such a rollicking success!

On the one hand, it is
not within the vernacular
of the room...

Now that it's installed, I don't love it! I have turned Tootie Pie's bedroom into a lighting showroom! Even taking into account the facts that it doesn't have the benefit of a full flight of bulbs and that the cord isn't swagged - it doesn't go. In the end, I should have not bothered with my Tord Boontje inspired creation and put the OTHER chrome, armed chandelier that has been on my living room floor into my room, and the Sputnik in the kitchen. The thought process is that the fixture that is on the floor has a base that mounts fixed to the ceiling. Both bedrooms have center ceiling wires and the chandeliers need to move, because we're tall people with little spatial awareness. But, what's done is done. In my next home, we will have 3 bedrooms, one of which will be the craft room, so that my rug making and electrical work, and come to think of it, skyline painting, gardening, and a host of other activities, can all be done in a separate location instead of in our main living area. For now, my studio is immediately upon entry to our home, and her bedroom should be a beacon of Queens.

Glimpse into my
in-process home and 
future starburst area

Ah, she took it down! She CAN be motivated to do things in her room! I never tightened the ceiling hook in her ceiling because I was meeting resistance; not the type of spectacle I want to try on my own - and I tried DIY electrical! Sputnik starburst will live over our refrigerator. Now I regret the cloth cord, because kitchen surfaces should be non-porous. Oh, well, this can be swapped out again for the transparent cord when this bright, cherry pink is coated in grease and mystery sauce. For now, we have more than enough task lighting and my electrical skills are back up-to-date. 

When I Go Back to the Calculations

Where did I go wrong? Here we have less than half of the Gold Fusion/Marigold complete and yet, no more yarn. I'm less than halfway done with the Sulfur/Chartreuse flowers and more than halfway finished with that yarn. It seems like the Yellow I'm only going to use one of the 2 skeins. So, what's the issue?

Starting on the repeat

I recalculated. My numbers are correct. Funny enough, it's the sketchier Hobbii brand that I computed correctly. This leads me to believe that the Cascade brand is not 220 yards as advertised. 

I am also having serious customer service issues with Yarnspirations.com and their poorly labeled hooks. They are either hiring only the mentally challenged or they are evil geniuses that determined that a service outlook founded on leading the consumer on a ridiculous goose chase is more cost effective than fixing the problem. So, I will make sure that I tell the vendor to cease selling their goods.

Yarn and conspiracy theories. The more logical explanation is that companies decided to dupe the consumer because they can. Well, no more from me.

Nice to imagine, but
I think this junks it up

In any case, I am thinking my rug looks more runner-like than I'd like. Stupid canvas manufacturer never learned the golden ratio. So, in order to full it out and use up the extra yarn, how about a width-increasing border of pompoms? Because, the only thing more impractical than a white rug would be the addition of vacuum clogging pompoms. So, on the one hand, the mock up looks festive, but on the other, does it clutter up the modern, clean lines of the Marimekko design, or did I take care of that already with my insane color scheme? I will probably make the pompoms and if they look funny on the rug, I'll turn them into a cool garland. 

In the end, I dropped another $80-something for the yarn I forgot to order in the first place. When I factor in the non-slip back, the only plus to hooking a rug yourself is complete control of the design. 

Oh, since my new, custom rug is too small for the floor (yet, simultaneously, too big for me to hook sanely), the solution has been located. Small individual flower rugs scattered around the main rug. 

Let's plan our next major
project while still in the
midst of current one!

And, finally, I decided against the pompoms and will go with length increasing fringe on the shorter edges. White is out because it will get sucked into the vacuum. I have 11 inches to go with the hooking, then fringing and hemming and binding and all that good stuff. The anticipation is off the charts here!

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It's Just a Bit More Complicated Now, Love - In Defense of When Harry Met Sally

As a rule, I do not necessarily enjoy, for lack of a better term, chick flicks. Never saw The Notebook. I kind of hate movies with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.  My friends dragged me to Serendipity and just UGH! I was massively uncomfortable and the whole thing was so predictable. But, there is Harold and Maude, the Before trilogy, and of course, When Harry Met Sally. Offbeat romances? 

What I like about Harry and Sally is the realness of it. Love is complicated. You don't write your phone number on a dollar bill and then send it into circulation. What you do do (ha!, I said doodoo) is keep running into that guy that you were forced to interact with and that you cannot stand. Relatable. And because you don't see eye-to-eye with this dude, you feel okay being authentic. They put on a front when they are set up with each other's best friends, and true love is hiding in plain sight as a buddy that they are just bouncing ideas off of and getting the opposite sex's perspective. Yeah, it's a great movie because they are both clueless that they're in love. Like Moonstruck, love doesn't solve your problems: it just creates a mess. Embrace it.

We get a glimpse, just one moment, where we get the happily ever after! This movie is genius!!!! His love of her OCD when it comes to food is everything! And that, my friends, is love. Love is being annoyed to the point of insanity and still being attracted to this soul. Not the blue eyeshadow and not her alphabetized VHS tapes (yes, this is somewhat of a delayed review. I'd also like to congratulate Brian Boitano on that phenomenal free skate = just great!) but how she spends hours on her hair and too much money on shoes and other nonsense that makes her Sally. Harry, where are you? You're late...

These two went to the same Midwestern college and moved to NYC. They disliked each other immediately, and were honestly themselves in an age where it is much easier to be annoyed than find the good in someone. But love will find a way. Sex is easy; it's intimacy that's hard. They are equals until...

I love New York. It really doesn't deserve me and I am too good for the Big Apple, but there's just something about it. Love it or hate it, you probably have an opinion. Like me. Take it or leave it, but I am what I am and I love it, so, Harry, I'm ready, and it helps if you don't bring that coffee table. That stupid, Roy Roger's, wagon wheel coffee table! 

Modern Life Indignities

A list of modern day pet peeves. Know what I hate? Scanning barcodes instead of being handed a menu. Know why? Because you only need to update one record to change the prices instead of reprinting a full set of menus. I detest filling out customer service forms online and getting a form email with a logo where a person's name should be. When did it become acceptable to tell a customer, nope, can't help you. No suggestions are given as to what to do, not even a pat courtesy word like "sorry" or "hello". Self-checkout? Don't blame me when I scan a smart TV accidentally as a bag of spinach. It is grim.

What do we do with this feeling of being a stone let for blood? We have short-cutted and streamlined our way into this mess and it shows no sign of stopping. It is impossible to save the planet when I cannot even talk to a human about issues I am experiencing. We are all in crisis. Racing to the bottom isn't working any longer.

Please stop taking this out on Jane and John Q. Public. We are weary and suspicious and we're tired of our only choices being stepping on or being trod upon. Civility. It is time.

We cannot wait for someone else to do it. Society is too cut-throat as it is. Don't add fuel to the fire - the world is already burning.

Carry on! Help out and carry on.