Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Come back! Come back!

Where have I been?  Let me see...how to put it? 

There was a little movie around fifteen years ago that told the story of a little known voyage made on a ship called the Titanic.  Probably you've heard of it.  The Titanic hits an iceberg, and the iceberg tears a whole into the side of the ship.  The lookout wants to know "Why won't you turn?", but the ship was too big to turn quickly.  Well, this is what is happening to me.  I can't turn this boat.  I've hit the iceberg.  I'm angry and incredulous that the thing won't turn.  And, the ship is going down.

I think his line was "Arggggggghhhhhhhhh!"
The Titanic is my marriage.  The iceberg, well, it is many things that I won't enumerate here, but I will label it "petty indignaties", "lack of appreciation", and downright "disdain".  I've been trying to "unhit" an iceberg.  It's tragic, because the Titanic was a beautiful ship, full of promise, adventure and comfort.  Now it's a cautionary tale about pride and stupidity.

So, where have I been?  I've been on the ship, clinging to it desperately as it was sucked into the sea.  And its wake pulled me under, scared and flailing.  Now, miraculously, I've emerged from the depths, and although the immediate fear of drowning is behind me, I face the prospect of a drawn-out death, shivering and freezing in the Artic waters.  But, I will profess my hopes before I go. 

Handcuffed to a sinking ship.  Yep, that's me.

There is a young lady in this story.  I have put a life jacket on her, and I ensured she has a place on a small piece of flotsam.  She will shiver, too, and her hair will be a crystalline crown.  I wish I could do more for her, but this is the best I can do in the circumstances.  And, I know her future will be bright, because Leonardo DiCaprio said so.

Exposure has never looked so beautiful

Jack: I promise, you're going to get out of here, you're going to go on and you're going to make lots of babies and you're going to watch them grow. You're going to die an old, an old lady, warm in her bed, not here, not this night, not like this, do you understand me?  Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me. It brought me to you and I'm thankful for that Rose, I'm thankful. You must, you must, you must.. do me this honor, you must promise me that you will survive, that you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now Rose and never let go of that promise.

Tootie Pie is my ticket.  I am so thankful for her.  The Titanic, at least the Titanic in the movie, had a raison d'etre, and that was so that Rose could free herself from her bummer of a fiance, and live a happy life.  I will get her through this.  I will probably make mistakes, but it will be something that will make me stronger, and eventually will afford me a fresh start on life.  A life with a past tragedy, but one that can still be full and rich.


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