Friday, July 14, 2017

Revisiting History

Pixelated to protect Mr.
Wrong's identity.
Those of you in a relationship know that, oftentimes, your significant other will "rewrite history" during an argument. It's crazy making! If only things actually went down the way they say it did, there wouldn't have been a problem in the first place. Well, today, I decided to play that game, only I'm re-imagining my whole marriage. And I'm starting with the images.

So, there are many problems with my marriage photo. One, he's got his back to me. Two, he's not touching me. And, three, he's in the damn thing. I can't have that. So, I broke out the rusty Photoshop skills, and...

See, George Clooney was my man. For a looooooonnnnnggggg time. I think I watched this video enough times to recreate a shot-by-shot remake from memory alone. But, move over, Georgie, I got a new love! Chrissy-Chris-Chrisssssss! I adore his goofy nature, how excitable he can be over the smallest things, and, well, he's not bad to look at, either. And, guess what? We're married now, and the wedding photo is so much nicer! Am I concerned that, in the picture, his left arm is contorted grotesquely? No, because he would never say things like, "I said I'm sorry like a million times, and it wasn't good enough for you". Do I care that he has a greenish glow around him, as if he'd been exposed to an enormous amount of radiation? Heavens, no, because he got me the perfect engagement ring, AND bought me a pearl necklace to give me on the day we shared our nuptials, because he knew I was the best thing to happen to him, and he wanted to show his appreciation for my trust. No way would Chris say, 8 years after he promised me jewelry, "And what's in it for me?". Nuh-uh. Rich, funny, willing to do a pratt (get it?! a pratt!) fall to get a laugh. Ah, so much better!


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