Update on My Cancer

They are developing a cute tumor and bottle
of Calcium Citrate for the Abominable Prep
musical number scene.

It's the holiday season, so sit by the fire, grab some cocoa, and let's talk about cancer.  It's a great story.  Rankin Bass may decide to animate this classic holiday tale soon, so you can say you heard it here first.



Not radical, dude.

I had my "radical" hysterectomy on Tuesday afternoon into Tuesday evening.  I tell people that natural childbirth is the most extreme of any extreme sport, but radical hysterectomies are not radical in the 80's tubular or gnarly sense.  They just suck.  Better to just keep getting those pap smears, ladies, and if something turns up, hope you can get a LEEP.  I am thankful that this will likely be irradicated for my daughter through vaccinations.   It's truly amazing how the anesthesiologist can just knock you out, and it's unlike sleep.  I guess the closest analogy would be a blackout, where you just lose time.  The time continuum jumps for one person.  It's very strange.  Anyhow, I felt good when I came to around 10 p.m.  My husband was there.  I had no sleep Tuesday night, and Wednesday was a frenzy of activity.  I was very down, since my husband did not make any contact until 11 a.m., but a priest visited me and I met a therapy dog in the hallway.  Man, can animals improve my mood.  The poor thing, a seven-year old black lab, was dressed in a Santa Claus suit, and he had no real joy in his eyes, but selfish me didn't care.  Petting an animal has always been on my top ten list of activities.



Toomey Tumor will be the featured
character in "It's a Cervical Cancer
Christmas, Toomey!"

I am home now.  I can finally catch up on whether DeQuan is the father of adorable eight month old Traynesia (awwww!).  My daughter was with us the first night, which always brightens my mood.  She stayed at her Oma and Opa's house last night, since my husband went back to work today.  I feel good.  The abdominal pain has subsided considerably, and I'm moving more and more like a human.  I slept for almost twelve hours last night.  I am hoping to find out about the lymph nodes on the day after Christmas.  Hopefully, this huge medical drama is behind me.  But, like my other medical incidents, they're never really OVER over, you know?  You're always wary, and ever mindful of the next possible calamity.  I keep thinking, well, I'm getting my health problems out of the way early, that's good.  But is this just the new normal?  I hope this is it now.  May my next hospital visit be to the morgue, in at least three decades.  I feel the need to mention the timeline.  All in all, I could do without the drama. 

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers; it does help.  And, I'd also like to mention Tig Notaro and Marjorie Gross, for making cancer, if not funny, at least ridiculous and eye-rollingly annoying, at just the right time.  Don't buy in bulk.  "I used to use the word “someday,” but now I figure someday is for people with better gene pools."  I will never forget the humor they brought me.  I will let you know the diagnosis on Wednesday.  Happy Holidays!*

EDITOR'S NOTE: I will not find out the results from pathology regarding cancer in the lymph nodes until Friday, January 4th.  Bummer!